just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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