i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
