yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Boobs speak an international language.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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