I think scott just propositioned me for sex
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
