As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
