roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want to make out with him forever
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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