you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize