cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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