I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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