does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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