she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Still dying that you shit outside
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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