your room smells of hookers.
And success
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
