Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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