i was born a porn star she said
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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