She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
