I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize