yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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