i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
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