i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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