I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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