She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
