And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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