people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
