just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
