I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
