Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
