How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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