Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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