i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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