you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
