Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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