I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
