Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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