I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
