you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize