my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
