What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
