it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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