have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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