dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
