I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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