I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
