what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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