3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Drunk is not a location!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
