btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
