He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
