Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
