True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
ttyl tear gas
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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