As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
