things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize