oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
