He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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