what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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