Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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