I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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