Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
