I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just cropdusted the office
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
