remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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