Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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