Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
