woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
