for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
