but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
this hospital has no fireball
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
