I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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