I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
