Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
