only if we run a train.
done.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
