You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
