Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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