I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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