I hate all girls vehemently.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
