a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize