I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
