Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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