Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
