Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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