She is in my trunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
